TEACHER: What are you writing?
PUPIL: A letter to myself.
TEACHER: What does it say?
PUPIL: I don't know. I won't get it till tomorrow.

TEACHER: Where is your pencil, Harmon?
PUPIL: I ain't got none.
TEACHER: How many times have I told you not to say that, Harmon? Now listen: I do not have a pencil. You do not have a pencil. They do not have a pencil. Now, do you understand?
PUPIL: Not really. What happened to all the pencils?

TEACHER: Want to hear the story about the broken pencil?
PUPIL: No, thanks, I'm sure it has no point.

TEACHER: Why do they say the pen is mightier than the sword?
PUPIL: Because no one has yet invented a ballpoint sword.

TEACHER: Dorothy, what did you write your report on?
PUPIL: A piece of paper.

Fred did a report about the phone book.
He wrote: "This book hasn't got much of a plot, but boy, what a cast!"

Mrs. Johnson asked the class to write a composition about what they would do if they had a million dollars. Everyone except Fannie began to write. Fannie twiddled her thumbs and looked out the window.
When Mrs. Johnson collected the papers, Fannie's sheet was blank. "Fannie," said Mrs. Johnson, "everyone has written two pages or more, but you've done nothing. Why is that?"
"Nothing is what I'd do," replied Fannie, "if I had a million dollars."

TEACHER : Fred, your ideas are like diamonds.
FRED: You mean they're so valuable?
TEACHER: No, I mean they're so rare.

TEACHER: Fred, the story you handed in called "Our Dog," is exactly like your brother's.
FRED: Of course. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Your poem is the worst in the class. It's not only ungrammatical, it's rude and in bad taste. I'm going to send your father a note about it.
PUPIL: I don't think that would help, teacher. He wrote it.