Dear perempuan,

"Pertama-tama, kami ingin meminta maaf. Kami minta maaf, karena secara fisik kami memang terlihat seperti laki-laki dewasa, namun kenyataannya kami sering bertindak anak laki-laki kecil. Terkadang kami suka tak menyadari apa artinya dan bagaimana bertindak seperti laki-laki sejati. Kami hanya berusaha untuk menghasilkan banyak uang sehingga kita bisa punya televisi dan video game yang menyenangkan di rumah kita kelak.

Kami ingin berkencan dan bahkan menikahi kalian, namun kami terlalu takut untuk terfokus pada orang lain kecuali diri kami sendiri. Bukankah ini sangat menyedihkan karena kami seringkali melihat kalian sebagai sebuah ancaman akan kebahagiaan kami dan bukan sebuah kesempatan dan sumber kebahagiaan?

Inilah yang belum kami mengerti, bahwa kebahagiaan sejati berasal dari bagaimana cara kami untuk menjadi laki-laki sejati. Kami berpikir dan bertindak seperti anak laki-laki kecil yang tidak ingin mainannya direbut dan dibawa pergi. Kami terlalu banyak melihat idola kami di berbagai media yang mengajarkan kami untuk mendapat banyak kepuasan dalam hidup kami.

Kami seringkali mengklaim bahwa kami sangatlah religius atau bahkan menjadi budak pekerjaan, tetapi sebenarnya kesenangan adalah "dewa" yang kami sembah, baik disadari atau tidak. Dan buruknya, kalian, perempuan seringkali menjadi salah satu bagian dari gaya hidup hedonistik kami. Namun kami tak menyadari bahwa seharusnya seorang laki-laki sejati tidak akan memperlakukan Anda seperti sebuah objek yang menghambat, menjengkelkan atau hanya pelampiasan seksual.

Seorang pria sejati adalah seseorang yang memahami bahwa perempuan harus dihargai dan diperlakukan dengan hati-hati dan penuh hormat. Pria sejati akan melihat pernikahan sebagai kesempatan untuk menjadi seorang pahlawan bagi perempuan dalam kehidupan nyata, tanpa perlu meninggalkan identitas lamanya dan menjadi orang baru yang didedikasikan untuk melayani istri dan anak. Ia tidak akan takut berjuang di awal pernikahan, karena ia yakin dan tahu bahwa ia tidak bisa masuk ke dalam pintu pernikahan bahagia yang sempit ini jika ia selalu membawa semua "mainan" bersamanya.

Ia menyadari bahwa ruang kecil pernikahan yang bahagia ini hanya cukup untuk ia, istri dan anaknya, bergandengan tangan, dan berkomitmen untuk seumur hidup mereka.

Hai perempuan, kalian bisa membantu kami untuk menjadi seorang pria sejati! Yang paling penting adalah kami ingin menjadi orang yang Anda kagumi. Bantulah kami untuk menyadari bahwa kalian mencintai kami apa adanya, sekalipun kami sadar masih ada sifat dan hal yang harus diperbaiki. Kalian bisa melakukannya dengan cara memberi kata-kata dukungan, pengakuan, dan pujian atas hal-hal yang sudah kami lakukan dengan baik. Sekalipun sederhana, tapi ini sangat bermakna bagi kami.

Sebagai imbalannya, kami akan memastikan bahwa kalian akan merasa dicintai dan dihargai. Kami akan belajar untuk berkomunikasi sehingga Anda merasa didenga, dipahami dan kami bisa membantu untuk memecahkan masalah kalian.

Kami juga akan mencoba belajar mengekspresikan perasaan kami dengan baik tanpa harus marah. Kami yakin dengan komunikasi yang baik, akan membuat kalian bahagia. Membuat kalian bahagia akan membuat kehidupan kita jadi bahagia juga.

Sekali lagi kami minta maaf, karena kalian menjadi sulit menemukan model laki-laki yang baik sekarang ini. Kami telah mengabaikan panggilan untuk menjadi laki-laki sejati dan bertindak dewasa. Namun, percayalah bahwa kami mampu lebih dari ini.

Jika dalam kehidupan kalian saat ini ada pria yang membuat kalian frustasi, maka lakukan yang terbaik untuk bisa memaafkannya dan memulai kembali dengan baik. Jika setelah beberapa saat terlihat jelas bahwa ia tak bisa menjadi pria sejati, maka tinggalkan saja dia. Anda layak untuk mendapat yang lebih baik darinya.

Ingatlah bahwa sebuah hubungan yang sehat akan membuat semua orang yang terlibat di dalamnya merasa senang. Ketika kita bahagia, maka kita mampu menjalani kehidupan yang bermakna dan memuaskan satu sama lain. Terima kasih atas pengertian dan kesabaran kalian selama menunggu kami melakukan perjalanan selanjutnya untuk menemukan kebahagiaan dan menjadi seorang pria sejati yang bisa kalian kagumi.

Hormat kami,

Pria.




20 Marriage Tips Everyone Needs to Know

Below are 20 wise marriage tips from a man that was recently divorced. You wouldn’t normally think that a divorced man would give good advice on being a husband, but this man has been through enough hardship to know what is worth fighting for:

MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD:

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…

1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.

But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.

If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.



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