Hi all,

I am practicing to make some short stories. This is my first one that I post here. Please comment it, brutally honest. I mean it.

The grammar, the plot, and the choice of the words are some example of the area that you may comment. Of course, you can comment, basically, on anything.

After all, thank you for you time and comment(s).

Okay, now, I humbly present you my short story. This is just the beginning. The continuation of the story will be posted in the future.



He was in a great pain, which suppressed his breath and killed him inside out. The pain had been continuous. In the event of meeting people, he suppressed the pain, and pretended that nothing wrong was happening. Even so, some sharp eyes could not be fooled. No matter how great his acting skill was, the pain could not be hidden all the time. There were some time where unconsciously the pain take over his body, a time when he lost the control of his body. Mumbling was the sign, with a very low voice. Also, some micro expressions of anger was expressed. The combination was the way of his inner self utters its disappointment of his way of life.

However, his friend, Haindra, can see him thoroughly, crystal clear. The thing is he also knows that Haindra can see through his lies, but he enjoy to hang out with him. Hendra cleverly pretend that he can see nothing, waiting for him to show the truth. He also knows about that. Stupidly, this fact comforts him. He chose to be ignorant coward guy, who pretend to be a strong boy with independent mind.

NO! His mind is dependent. The pride drives him almost all the time. He has already given the remote control to his pride. So, he had to lie whenever needed. The pride demand him to be its slave. Strongly, the pride enslave his life and he, again, stupidly, let it be.