I was bored at a club and had, had quite a lot to drink. I saw one of my ex-girlfriends and knew she lived close by. I couldn't be bothered to make my way home so decided to hit on her. I walked over to the table she was sat at and and the first words to come out of my mouth were "Shall we go back to your place and have sex?" She quickly grabbed me by the hand and led me out the club, straight back to her place.

We jumped straight into bed and I started to work my 'smooth' drunken moves. We were both down to our underwear and I was grinding into her knickers, thinking she must be really turned on by this! Eventually I looked down and realised her knickers were down by her knees and I had been making no contact with her crotch what so ever. I asked her if she had any condoms and she said "...No". I then asked her if she was on the pill, same response "...No". After that I said "Fuck this", rolled onto my side, grabbing all the covers and promptly passed out.